Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Crying While I Type

God is SO good to me! He understands all of my short-comings...the nervous anxiety that creeps up threatening suffocation...the frustration of imperfection...the need for approval and worth. But He doesn't just understand it. In His grace and love for me, He gently pushes my level of comfort, while constantly drawing me closer to Him and His perfect will for me, helping me realize His expectations are more important than the world's...His approval is what really matters. And His timing? WOW!! HIS timing takes my breath away every single time. 

His steady hand in our lives is easy to see in the big events, but often hard to really focus on in those small, everyday moments. Today, His hand was strong. His will was clear. And, in a quick moment of thought, the years of stress and disappointment all made sense.

My dreams were never really pushed to the back burner and left forgotten. Instead, they sat there at a slow simmer. Anticipation and drive growing, preparation building at a slower but more in-depth pace. Not only was He preparing me, my husband, and my boys, in His perfect timing, He's also prepared the rest of my world. He's created an environment and placement that is so perfectly suited for what I need at this moment and for this moment alone.

What triggered this reflection that left me trying to hide tears in a crowded training room? Realizing that this school year, though I may be a first-year teacher, I will not be the one on the outside isolated from other more experienced teachers.I will not be the only one clueless. We ALL will be shuffling through new Common Core standards that are not part of the veteran repertoire. We ALL will be facing a brand new evaluation system, We ALL will be using new software to perform certain procedures.

Either way, we're all in it together.

In addition to the above mentioned crying...lack of hormone regulation following all the excitement and heartache of the spring/early summer left me nearly bawling over this video. Makes me so proud to be the mom of 3 bitty boys. I can't find the exact video we watched...that was SO much better than any on youtub...but ...

take a look @

Saturday, July 28, 2012

You Can Do It!

Excuse the upcoming all-caps for a's warranted...I promise.


Sprinkled throughout my first day of training were sweet messages from a few of those closest to me. In the midst of my over-thinking, God new just what I needed to break me away from my self doubt.

"good luck today! you will do great!"

"Hope its a great day of learning for you!"

And my favorite, "i seriously hope your phone is turned off or on vibrate, but wanted to tell you i love you and am super proud of you!!!"

Most of my anxiety related more to meeting new people rather than whether or not I could actually do my job. It was high school all over again. I was never the one anyone really chose as a friend. I always felt awkward and on the outside of every conversation. My insecurity often comes across as a less than flattering B word that ends with itch. I didn't eat lunch alone either day so I'll consider that a success.

So....what have I learned after sitting in a room with about 130 other new teachers? If you try, you can learn something from anybody and any situation. Even if you are learning exactly what not to do. It's all about perspective and what you make of it. Also, yes, my brain still works and is able to conjure up things learned long ago just as if I'd learned them yesterday.

And in other news, the babysitter is still alive, as are the kids. The house is still standing and no authorities were called. The sitter even agreed to come back this coming week. While sodas and snacks were consumed when they shouldn't have and powdered creamer dusted the better part of my kitchen, overall ...all is good.

Ok, back to watching the Olympics! By the way, how great was the men's road race today! Loved getting to see so much of the London scenery. BEAUTIFUL!


Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Hey There! Do I know you?

Tomorrow I anxiously become best friends with a long time enemy...a full time job.

It's been way too long, but we're old friends and we'll just pick back up right where we left off. Right? WRONG! 

Though I hate to admit it, me and full-time work have had issues in the past. It's like a really bad relationship that I keep getting sucked into. You know the abusive, controlling, I should never have even done this but keep doing it over and over and over anyways type. I always get way too attached. It always gets way too controlling. In the end, nothing good ever comes of it.

But, I'm not the same person I was back then and I think I've found the right one this time. The one God has prepared me for and led me to...a real, live teaching job to call my very own! 

In an effort to keep the ball rolling at home, without the little things & my sweet kiddos falling apart or a certain hubby taking on all the work or me losing my mind feeling overwhelmed, we've been cleaning, organizing, and putting some routines in place to make sure everything gets done and everyone is helping out.

One such thing is setting up chores and allowances for the boys. Our boys have ALWAYS had chores...more like helper expectations. They help with dishes, clean their own room, put away laundry, take out the trash, etc. But, it's always be a rather haphazard method of completion. Now, everyone knows just what to do on a daily basis.

All the chores that don't really need to be done on a daily basis are put in a  cup as extras. They can choose to do extra if they want. These are also the ones momma and daddy will be working through. They're actually quite excited to do all the things they've already been doing. Something about having it written down on a popsicle stick and stuck to the fridge makes it more appealing than it being spoken by a parent. Go figure!

Then of course there's the most exciting part. A new job means we can actually give our kiddos an allowance. While mom and dad will be learning and implementing new budget strategies, our kids will get to do the same. Their allowance is set at a certain amount. They can be fined for not completing their daily chores or rewarded for going above and beyond. Fines come at the cost of $$ or loss of electronics time.

So, each kid has their own wallet, zippered pouch for sorting their allowance between tithing, saving, and spending, and register for tracking all of it. By the end of the month we'll be opening up a savings account for each kid. I think I want to get them tithing envelopes as well. Their spend money stays in their zippered pouch unless we are going shopping or they've asked to spend it on something. Then they can take the money out and put it into their wallet. Controlling, yes I know, but we want them to get in the habit of thinking about what they want to spend their money on and planning it rather than just spending it because they have the money there with them at the time they see something.

I'm excited and hopeful about the system. Updates will follow I'm sure.

Today's to-do list:
Write to do list.
Drink a pot of coffee.
Survey this weeks sales ads.
Plan meals/shopping for the week.
Try not to eat all of the banana bread.
Create Menu Planning/Shopping command center for front of fridge.
Clean and organize master bedroom.
Plead with Nathan to clean the master bathroom.
Drop off dry cleaning.
Eagerly wait for FedEx to drop of my shipment from TN. **see edit below**
Prep for babysitter for tomorrow.

Shipment delivery was originally scheduled for Nathan's day off but was pushed to today. Scheduled to arrive between 12-4pm. Delivered promptly at 430 in the blazing 106 degree AZ sun while Nathan was still at work. All 300 or pounds of stuff made it off the truck, off the pallet, across about 100ft of sidewalk, and now sits at the bottom of our steps. Waiting for Nathan to help when he gets home.